MY ENDELIC IDENTITES
endel is an alterhuman or, in my case, fictionfolk identity caused by, rooted in, or greatly influenced by delusion. it was coined by babydog in 2021. i use it as an alternative to "delusional attachment" or "IRL". While these identities are rooted in delusion, these are completely factual parts of my reality. i am these characters and they are me; this is an indisputible fact of my reality and i expect to be taken seriously.
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LILLIE
ever since I first played pokemon moon on release day, the day after my tenth birthday, i immediately saw myself as lillie. when i was her age, i had the same hair color, eye color, and body type as her. we had the same favorite color and we're both fairy type trainers. she's even narratively connected to my favorite pokemon, clefable. i had an emo older sibling, a terrible relationship with my mom, a male teacher i saw as a father, and a huge love of animals. we have been the same person for almost ten years. i am her she is me dont even!!!
NOELLE HOLIDAY
back when chapter 2 first came out, i was in the psychosis TRENCHES. i latched onto noelle almost immediately. the themes of loss really remind me of myself, especially how she's been practically abandonded by everyone she relies on. her angel motifs also speak to me as someone who's been dead for six years. she's a sacrificial lamb with horrible family dynamics. i could go on and on about how she's me but it would be incomprehensible to anyone but me. anyway, dessknight canon, angel is player and noelle simultaneously, etc etc.
ASHLEY (LEYLEY) GRAVES
i dont think i WANT to explain this one. we have basically the exact same trauma; she's just me but unmedicated. basically. autistic schizospec girl everyone hates in a toxic abusive relationship... sexualized and objectified even by those who aren't supposed to look at her that way... only valuing herself if she's being used... also the satanist themes go hard. free my girl and give her lexapro
c!RANBOO
unfortunately i am the only mcyttwt d/a remaining five years later. i remember the first stream when ranboo joined the dsmp, i started getting a weird feeling, and then the second stream i knew. i remember setting my zoom profile picture to c!ranboo fanart and drawing myself during online classes in eighth grade. i think this delusion has caused me the most harm, but i'm very attached to him still. hes me! hes me! fun fact: i'm half-enderman and half-dreamon, and enderwalk is a sort of dissociative trance. please ask me about dream smp lore
LOKI LAUFEYSON
my most recent id! a queer villain that, no matter what he does, is always seen as lesser and more evil than his brother? no matter what good he tries to do, no matter what harm others cause, he is never enough? thats me! i could go more in depth but it'd just be a traumadump. anyway my genderfluid mspec autistic king. get back to me on this one in about six months.